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Making Belive: Emotions

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Posted 09-27-2012 at 09:00 AM by gddt!
Updated 09-27-2012 at 09:19 AM by gddt! (adding a)

DISCLAMER: I was sad, and drunk, and sitting in my car at 3am thinking about the women that took part in my life when I wrote this.
I'm not looking for no pity.
This is a self analysis.
Emotions, it's a concept I still can not grasp. I should of learned it awhile ago. Towards activites, people, etc..
I just don't know what is deemed the right amount. I try to show I have a dedication towards the subject at hand but honestly I"m just trying to go through the motions... or at least what I think is.
My emotions, it's a flame that burns out quick. Maybe I have ADD but I want to express myself or show commitment even though I don't have it. Maybe I just want to seem dedicated to the subject for any reason. People expect some kind of reaction other than a blank stare and a few words. I guess I just get comforatble and I don't want to leave the comfort zone. Thinking, if they realize how empty I am, they will leave.
By definition I find: Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc.
The thing is, in general, regarding any topic or situation, I try to be a wall flower and collect data to study people. Yet (guessing since I'm a Leo), I conversate into the spot light without knowing. I can dominate a conversation (usually when drunk), when all I'm trying to do is get reactions and answer my own questions. Which now puts my in an awkward light time and time again. Thus painting the skewed painting of me in people's minds. I need to meet people MANY times before I start to 'warm' up to them.
Don't get me wrong I used to have lots of emotions, I'm not a sociopath. Something went wrong in childhood and I blocked the thing out. One day I'll look into that. BUT what was left was destroyed by my first love. She gave it back to me years and then took it away. She always made a big exit.
This is probably why people are confused with my actions. It's my fault.
I'll state my opinions and that alone will play into people's expectaion and hopes of me. I speak sarcasm so fluently, even my friends think I'm serious and their views become skewed as well. (I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my hand or forearm that can act as some sort of signal that shows I am being sarcastic, kinda like holding a sign up saying 'Hey idiot face, that was a joke!").
If we talk about intimate relationships, this vauge confession is why I disappoint many. Maybe this is why I'm not date-able material. I'm just trying to understand people and those who try to get close, are perfect subjects. I can not diferentiate how 'close' people get to me while I collect my data in my on-going study of the human emotion. I should cut the cord sooner but as I said earlier, I just get comforatble and I don't want to leave the comfort zone.
I apologize to the masses for the pain I cause.

Social Distortion - Making believe - YouTube
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  1. Old Comment
    Pagan's Avatar
    Emotions are what people make of them. When they are out of control you can either wall them off or give into them. Giving into them has less long term repercussions but life sucks during this time. Either way emotions wills make you their bitch if they can, best bet is to get stoned or drunk till they subside. Take it from me once you get rid of most of your emotions life becomes numb and its a pain in the ass to get them back.

    Keep in mind though, I am insane
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 09:40 AM by Pagan Pagan is offline
  2. Old Comment
    MaryJane's Avatar
    Or do what I do...Jam out to Social Distortion in your undies in your room and dance all of your cares away
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 12:24 PM by MaryJane MaryJane is offline
  3. Old Comment
    gddt!'s Avatar
    I don't believe I'm insane, or a sociopath or have anti-social disorder, or waht ever people like to self diagnose me with. I'm just awesome.
    I used to stay drunk many a nights working at a bar but I kicked the constant haze and some people as well recently. Being in a fog doesn't help my goals. Now that I'm sober more, the emotions are trying to make a come back, I just keep kicking me them in the teeth as I power through my life keeping my self busy mentally and physically. I work 50 hours a week and I'm full time student while running a band. I have 2 construction projects and 1 personal. I'm about to take on p90x as well.The only time I really have to myself is driving between locations and Social D is constantly running.
    What is your take on the new album, MaryJane?
    Volbeat - Making Believe - YouTubeWhose version do you think is betteR?
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 06:31 PM by gddt! gddt! is offline
  4. Old Comment
    MaryJane's Avatar
    The album from 2011 Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes? ?? I like the first version posted in the blog best
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 08:36 PM by MaryJane MaryJane is offline
  5. Old Comment
    gddt!'s Avatar
    Yeah that one. Listen to it and get back to me. I've got plenty of my own opinions but I'm curious to yours, Ms "i dance in my undies to Social D". And I think you should listen to Volbeat. I can give you some choice songs if you want. Volbeat models themselves after Social D and the blend is fantastic!

    For the record, emotions, just their existence get you in trouble. Whether you have them or not. Use them or not. Acknowledge them or ... ugh. fml.
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 11:38 PM by gddt! gddt! is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Pagan's Avatar
    I am insane and a sociopath but it works for me
    Posted 09-28-2012 at 09:29 AM by Pagan Pagan is offline
  7. Old Comment
    MaryJane's Avatar
    I like Volbeat thus far As for Social D, so far I like this album. I can't imagine them making bad music most an occassional song that's just ok. Overall, they can't miss
    Posted 10-05-2012 at 05:06 PM by MaryJane MaryJane is offline
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