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Handshakes, daps, and pounds

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Posted 09-25-2012 at 05:24 PM by gddt!

This post is more for the doods....
Have you ever stuck your hand out to greet someone and then was consumed by the realization that you have no idea which form of hand shake was coming? Could it be a pound? It could be a fist bump... It could even be a fist bump with an explosion. So you just reach in and fumble around and you both pretend that precisely what you meant to do.
There needs to be a system. With use of a uniformed system, the more people who use it, the easier it will become to figure out which handshake is appropriate. It can be done with as little as 2 rules. Plus a few tricks to make it even easier.
First, decide if the situation is professional or casual. If it is professional, it's simply the traditional handshake. If it is casual, it's time to play rock, paper, sicisor, lizard, spock, locke, shock, and barrel, and everyone other possible shake you can think of.
'The casual' ties into the second rule which is: the person who initiates decides the shake. If you're on the initiates, lucky you. If you're not, you'll ask yourself, what are they gonna do? The simple answer, know your friends. Most people are consistant with what they do. Or at least consistant within different clicks.
With knowing the situation and knowing your friends, you are golden. The problem is meeting new people in a casual situation, a mall, a bar, a roller rink, an aquarium. Here are some things to think of to give you a ifghting chance not to look like a fool. The easiest way is to take the initative and just call out what you want to do, "dap it," or "bump these kuncks." Otherwise you have to guess. This is a perfect time when racism can be useful. You know who is gonna want a dap verses a manshake. A pound verse a high-five. Don't just play the race card, think about other things too like age. Young or young at heart would go for the high-five. The elderly, a tradtional handshake.
Oh, and on a side note to those who handshake, don't forget about timing. I hate the jerks who squeeze too early and crush your fingers while all you can do is the akward up and down motion with a down syndrome hand.
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  1. Old Comment
    DoeSeva's Avatar
    I may not be a dood...but I totally understand everything! Meeting someone new...always that awkward tension of shaking or not...what kind of shake..and if it's a girl or guy, the shakes are different!
    Posted 09-25-2012 at 11:04 PM by DoeSeva DoeSeva is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Weaselheadx's Avatar
    I don't like people touching me, they are full of nasty germs, so my ideal solution is not to touch them (I memorize people's shoes so I can watch them under the stalls and then observe who washes or doesn't wash their hands regularly). But if I feel like I have to, I go for a handshake. the whole fist pump superhandshake thing is reserved for good friends.
    Posted 09-26-2012 at 10:41 AM by Weaselheadx Weaselheadx is offline
  3. Old Comment
    killshot's Avatar
    I don't shake hands... I tend to hop on their shoulders, wrap my legs around their neck and vigorously hump their face.
    Posted 09-26-2012 at 11:55 AM by killshot killshot is offline
  4. Old Comment
    gddt!'s Avatar
    I find greeting women easier. A simple wave, or I initiate a shake, grasp the fingers gently and pull the hand in a few inches to give the illusion I was gonna kiss it.

    As for face humping, that is reserved for a select few. What are you, a slut?
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 09:04 AM by gddt! gddt! is offline
  5. Old Comment
    jomama1138's Avatar
    Handshake. Although, some times you get stink palmed.
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 09:40 AM by jomama1138 jomama1138 is offline
  6. Old Comment
    killshot's Avatar
    Originally Posted by gddt! View Comment
    What are you, a slut?
    Sluts make the world a happy place.
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 11:55 AM by killshot killshot is offline
  7. Old Comment
    gddt!'s Avatar
    Sluts really do....
    Everyone must contribute. It's like the military, you can go full time or just a few weekends a year.
    Posted 09-27-2012 at 11:40 PM by gddt! gddt! is offline
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