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Posted 01-18-2011 at 12:03 AM by Pagan

when i was a kid i was nice

Jeramy2110 11:48 pm
until about 5 grade or so
then a realization occurred to me, very flawed and stupid, that suffering all the things i
had gave me the right to make others suffer
so from 5th grade to about sophomore in high school
i was a very bad person
then i started doing drugs
they kinda evened me out a bit
and i stopped hurting people that didn't deserve it
and about 20 years old
i decided i was going to do my best to be a nice guy

Jeramy2110 11:50 pm
and i can honestly say every year that i have tried to be nice...has been the hardest
thing for me to do

Jeramy2110 11:51 pm
mentally from about as early as i can remember till about 10 or 11 my bio-father did
everything he can to make me the kinda person that could serious hurt people
so to be nice even this many years after the fact is counter to what wsa driven into my

Jeramy2110 11:52 pm
people laugh and think i am joking when i say i am a very bad person
cause most of them only see the good side of me
every time someone in life betrays me in some way its pushing me back to the
asshole...and i really don't want to go there
i have gone full circle, from someone that thinks its their right to hurt people, to
someone whom does what ever he can to help his friends

Jeramy2110 11:57 pm
though to be honest if it wasn't for my son i would have already lost the battle.

This conversation was inspired by certain events that i shall keep to myself, but i figured nothing summed me up better then this conversation....so i posted it.
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  1. Old Comment
    MissAthena's Avatar
    I hear ya on all that. Not that my dad did shit to me (or anyone in particular) just a summation of events culminating with me spiraling out of control emotionally, psychologically and physically. From pill abuse to massive alcohol consumption on a daily basis, until I was smacked into reality by my best friend at the time, life was all about getting back at people in general, whether they truly deserved it or not.

    I've since retaught myself to channel that pain and anger towards people who really DO deserve it: those who maliciously fuck over my family, true friends and myself. This includes people who shun me when I need it most after I dropped everything to be there for them, those who go out of their way to be hateful towards me and those who purposely put the lives of those people I care about, in danger.
    Posted 01-18-2011 at 02:18 AM by MissAthena MissAthena is offline
  2. Old Comment
    meh, I'm too lazy to hold a grudge or try to hurt ppl. :P

    I had enough shit from my old man growing up, that I swore to never do that stuff to my own kids, or anyone else for that matter.
    Posted 01-18-2011 at 02:52 AM by scotti_badass scotti_badass is offline
  3. Old Comment
    soma_stardust's Avatar
    i never got too malicious or hateful... i've never been not a good person (no matter how evil i pretend to be... those are just words. i embrace my dark side, that's different.) but i do hold some grudges. friendship is a pretty big deal to me. so when i feel betrayed by someone on that level, i'll erase them from my life. and i don't let go of people. once someone is in my life, they're there forever, until they take advantage of me or piss me of to an extreme degree.
    fortunately, it doesn't really happen that often. but to take advantage of people emotionally (especially someone as sensitive and empathetic as i am) is just really sub-human. i feel sorry for them that they're crap, but whatever. i don't have to deal with it. they'll pay for it karmically, or just by virtue of not having my friendship.
    i'm a damn good friend, and i realise that now. after 33 years, i know that i am a good person to have on your side, when i'm not being completely anti-social. :3
    Posted 01-18-2011 at 12:53 PM by soma_stardust soma_stardust is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Pagan's Avatar
    think of it less like holding a grudge and more like learning a second language when you were raised to speak English, its possible but you gotta expect some slips to your native tounge
    Posted 01-18-2011 at 04:07 PM by Pagan Pagan is offline
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