We still miss ya, Chevon

[killshot]

Originally Posted by ghostrider

Where did the pic go?

I still see it there.

[garnet]

it's on her profile page in her comments

[ghostrider]

Yeah my fault. It's there I was looking in the wrong place.

[thegimp1972]

This is just an observation... and I make no pretense at knowing anyone from here... they say that the mark of a person's life is truely measured by the number of people who remember them; and in how they are remembered... I don't know who the hell 'they' are? since, I'm sure given the choice any of you would rather have your friend with you: laughing, danceing, crying, helping, falling....etc.. in the end I have to say 'they' would have to be right; for after 2yrs, in a venue like this where few people make a connection of seconds, all of you remember her with fondness.... I would like to have known someone that special, and having loss of my own, I am sorry for all of yours.... good journey..

[JoeyEquinox]

You are right, friend... Chevon touched many people in ways I don't think she really understood... and she was a powerful force that brought many people together in love... at a mere 20 years of age she was a truly glowing being... and our monument to her is a sign of how great she was...

And thank you... we appreciate it...

[JoeyEquinox]

Dear Chevon,

It's been a while since I wrote you a letter. I know I talk to you all the time, but I needed to write things out for once. Sometimes, you just need to write things out.

It was a little easier this year... I wasn't as morose coming up to the day, and today hasn't been too bad, though I did have a good cry with Chris at around 8am in Steve's basement. I didn't think I was going to get away with the whole day and not cry, but I'm glad I haven't been a jibbering mess all day, either. Maybe I'm starting to get better.

It's amazing all the things that keep happening on August 22nd. Chris' birthday, and now Steve and Sarah are married, too. I was out with Steve, Sarah, John and Adam and Chris last night... we were celebrating their impending marriage. I needed that, I needed to be at the start of something good. I needed to be around loved ones being loving.

I still miss you horribly. I still tear up when I think about you for too long, when I'm full of darkness. I was really looking forward to watching you grow... I want to know what you would have finally settled on in education or a career, what adventures you would have gotten into, how you're body would have changed... which parts would mature and which would stay the same. I was really looking forward to watching your life unfold. Now, the silence is deafening.

I'm trying. I'm trying to keep moving forward. I'm trying to learn to love again. I actually have a girlfriend... first time since you left... though nothing inside me is working right anymore... I have to take things slowly, because so much has changed inside of me, too... the old paradigms for relationships don't count anymore.

I'm trying not to blame myself for anything, for being inadequate or not good enough to help you when you needed help. It's hard... I'm supposed to be this great healer, right? So many people look up to me and think I'm amazing... but I wasn't amazing enough to help you. I've saved numerous lives over the years, lives of complete strangers, but I couldn't save the one angel that meant the most to me. It's a mystery I'm going to have to accept I'm never going to know the answer to. I don't know if I could accept any answer, anyways... in my mind, your time was no where near due.

I love your parents. Your mom and I have become very close over the years... we rely on each other a lot, when the darkness comes. Is that why you drew me in, hummingbird? Not for you, but for them? So they would know their daughter was cherished by someone out there in the world? At least I could bring them some modicum of peace.

I know it tortures you to see me as broken up as I am... I try not to. I'm trying to find peace. I'm just not left with much, at the end of the day, to find my own peace. So many people need me, I spend so much... I know, I need to start exerting more energy on myself, to try to being myself some healing. I need to start making time for that. I don't want you to suffer anymore, you've suffered enough. I want you to able to smile down on me, and not see me be tortured by my own internal drama and self-immolation. I just want you to be happy.

Chris is becoming such a beautiful healer, in his own right. I told him how much I miss you, and how it feels sometimes like I'm just waiting to be able to hold you again, and have it feel real. He told me that we're already together... that, in your world, there is no such thing as time as I know it now, and that I've already gotten to you after I'm done with this lifetime, but many years from now. I think he's right, and that right now, up on some cloud, you're pulling me along, skipping and singing, just like you used to do, and nothing is wrong at all. That thought makes me feel better, it lifts the burden a little. Please don't let go, though... I'm afraid of heights.

Corrine, I don't know if we would have ever been anything more than friends, and I don't care either. I wish, at least once, I could have been your lover, but I guess that wasn't to be. What you were, though a bright beam of light to warm my heart, and for that, I will always love you and hold you close. If the only way I can repay that love and kindness is by paying it forward, then so be it. May the light you gave me banish the darkness of other souls who are still finding their way.

I love you, always,
Joey

P.S. I can hear you, right now... in the music playing in my studio... I hear your love woven between the synthesizers... you want me to dance and play and be happy... so I will... I'm going to find my girlfriend and cuddle her and smile again, just for you

[Dt3r]

Wow... unfortunately I wasn't around to know her, but this topic is really touching. Her life was short, but from all the people posting here it seems she lived it well.

It may be late, but my condolences. Particularly for Joey.

[cricket]

I haven't been on these forums forever, but yet here I am again.

I miss you. I woke up on the anniversary of your death and I tried to get up and go to work and I made a great attempt at being brave and strong and positive for you and then I just broke down and cried 5 minutes before getting out the door. I thought about what you'd be like now. I wondered if we'd even still talk but then I thought about how that wouldn't matter, because I knew you in the first place. Because you changed me. My favorite book is "The Little Prince" and for me, you were like that, you were that person from another planet who came and shook mine up, briefly and made me see the world in another light. People come and touch us and teach us lessons and they leave just as quickly...but it only looks like they've died, because through the moments we've shared and the touch they've left still burning upon us, they still live. I miss you, still, but I still carry some of your light with me every day and it makes me smile.

. . .

"People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else."

"What do you mean?"

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!" And they'll think you're crazy. It'll be a nasty trick I played on you..."-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, from "The Little Prince"

[INFAMOUSbd]

The Hello Kitty Car ruled.

[Weaselheadx]

Originally Posted by HanoverPhiste

I was stoked that she took the time to write me back a few times when I was fresh on the boards. She was instantly my favorite model and I was crushed when I came home from work that day and read the news. I cried.

Although we never met face to face, you touched me a perfect stranger...and I'll never forget. I miss you.

Yeah she was always really nice, just don't call her Chevron!...it was such a sad thing, these things are hard to understand...